Today, most families report being stressed by too much work or other activities. Parents report that the interactions they have with their children are primarily logistical and imperative in nature, such as “pick up your room,” “get on the bus,” and “don’t [do this bad thing].” Many families are so overbooked that they cannot make time for quality interaction with their children.
Parents might be tempted to respond that they have to be short because their kids never listen to them otherwise. Kids, on the other hand, feel they have the right to ignore their elders for being so “out of touch.” How can we address this serious cultural problem?
One possible solution is to embrace listening to the authoritative wisdom of the past, especially that which transcends the idiosyncracies of any one generation. This wisdom can be found in our elders’ stories, in our prophets’ writings, and in our great philosophical works. Sure, sometimes these writings don’t always seem to agree or make everyone comfortable, but to ignore the collected writings of humanity simply because some of them don’t make people comfortable is to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Only by listening to the many seminal ideas from the diverse religious, political, and philosophical thinkers of the last 3,000 years can we become people ourselves worth listening to. We will be fools if we only listen to other fools within our own generation, not matter how numerous they may be. We are hypocrites if we expect younger generations to listen to us when we have not ourselves listened to the wisdom of our elders.
"As a child, he was full of questions"
It seems that it has been a long but increasingly slippery slope that has led us to where we are today. Although it is always popular to blame individuals, if we actually wish to fix the problem we will have to look at the overall system that rewards dysfunctional behavior. Our system is a legal system and it could be argued that our problems stem from a subversion of constitutional principles. Although this subversion was probably led by well-intentioned idealists, the primary beneficiaries were the industrial complexes and not the average hard-working American that those idealists hoped to help. America, without the leadership of sage statesmen, has become the puppet of big media, big finance, big military, and their big lobbies who have literally fleeced us of our savings. By moving America away from democratic republicanism and toward referendumism, we have neutralized the great statesmen and enfranchised Joe Puppet. The sage statesmen like Jefferson, Lincoln, and Webster were actually the true champions of the little guy and were able to discern and communicate to their fellow legislators the importance of policy that is good for all Americans and not merely what is good for some “elect” Americans. By giving ever greater power to the less actualized under the guise of democratizing America, we have become a nation ruled, de jure, by myopic generationalists and, de facto, by a corporate oligarchy. Sure, there are still people around who can see the problem, but through careful gerrymandering, the industrial complexes have ensured that those prudent sages will never be in a position of power that would compromise their corporate monopolies.
As a nation, how can we break the the spell of generationalism that has been cast upon us? How are we to foster a respect for right, when a respect for might masquerades as a democratic virtue? Thomas Jefferson envisioned a democratic republic as one where “the natural aristocracy” would lead. This natural aristocracy was to be intimately familiar with the great ideas of the past, so much so that their judgment would not be swayed by idiosyncratic traditions and popular prejudices. But little could be further from the truth, as politicians are becoming less and less philosophical and more and more “finger to the wind” yes-men.
Although it seems, at times, impossible to put America back on the track envisioned by our founding fathers, there are little things we can do to resuscitate Jefferson’s vision of a true heritage for America. First and foremost, parents can start to take back time with their chidren in quantity and quality. By promoting the understanding of our children, we are doing as much as anyone can to preserve the American dream. And to raise children like Jefferson, you need to spend a lot of quality time with them.
Timeless questions empower our children to build A Mighty Fortress
What is quality interaction with your child? It is turning your respectful attention toward your child. It is asking questions and hearing responses and then asking followup questions that show you care about your child and, further, that you care about the details of what they are experiencing and thinking. It is about subtly asking them questions that help them to develop into people with both resilience and integrity who are a blessing to their future families and communities. In these self-imposed busy time, we rarely turn toward our children with our whole being. Instead of asking our children questions as we should, we provide them with answers, thinking “this is a quicker alternative, given our busy lives.” This approach frequently backfires. Why?
The questions that we pass down to our children are always more important than any answers our particular generation has. That is because questions acknowledge the children of a younger generation as fully human–as capable of doing more than reciting dogma “line upon line, precept upon precept.” Questions recognize the importance of the developmental process. Questions nurture independence, while answers attempt to extend one generation’s locus of control into into that which is rightfully another.
A true heritage is one which empowers independent and prudent thinking through passing down thoughtful questions. A false heritage is one which, although often motivated by good intentions, alienates a generation from the thinking skills it will need to solve its unique problems–and in our ever changing world unique problems arise frequently.
That is why, ultimately, trueheritage.org does not endorse any particular dogma, but encourages members to read widely; to think for themselves; and to ask their children thoughtful questions. Of course, we could be wrong, so don’t take our word for it. Try it out for yourself and see if it makes a difference in your family’s life.
